Just a little off Quilty topics....
Life.... This week has seen me packing up my parents house... I have sorted and donated and given and sold and oh boy... taking apart someone's else's life is not for the faint of heart...
I have finally come to the conclusion that I can make NO more decisions haha!! So I ordered a Pod and we are packing what is left in there so I can get the house all cleaned and ready to go.
Then I will give my brain a break and get back to sorting...
August is our Birthday month - first my Mom, then me, then my Dads. I came home from the hospital on my Dad's birthday Hope he liked his present haha!!
This is them.... Its been fun finding photos I know I have seen, but don't really remember.
They had files of them.
My Dad was one of the Rescue and Recovery workers on 9/11 and my Mom had an extensive file of documents, newspapers etc. on it - kinda cool to read again....
I will tell you - when you have to do brain stuff like this - quilting is turning into a real therapy!!!!
I kind of wish that others that have gone thru this would write a book or a article on how to make decisions about the tons of items haha!! that is just the worst... my house is just not that large.
But!! on the other hand - I want to save all of their photos - so its making me clean out junk at my house too.....
I am also grateful for my horses... the let me see this:
Thanks for listening...
22 comments:
I totally understand and have been there with my parents last year - packing up 40 years of their life in one house was not fun. Sounds like you have decision fatigue. Great idea to put stuff in storage and sort as your brain and time allow.
That is a big and emotional job. Glad you're enjoying all the photo memories, though. Also glad that you have quilting and horse therapy to get you through!
Oh, girl! I sympathize with you! Wish I were closer so I could just set with you and lend and ear...and some muscle... to help pack up. That's such a HARD spot to be in. My folks lived 9 hours away and when I got to where you are now, I just couldn't make any more decisions either. I ended up having an estate sale and donated everything that didn't sell. Like you, I kept a lot of pictures. Not all of them, because my folks traveled A LOT and my mom made albums of every single trip, but you're right, it's HARD dismantling a life.
Wish I had a manual too, but it's such a personal thing and the emotions that accompany that are draining. Like you, I took refuge in our horses and fabric and just finally being at the end of the dirt road. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
It's so hard, hugs to you.
Oh, Alycia, my deep condolences. That is a seriously awful job. I have one suggestion-- keep all the stuff you think you might want later (you won't want all of it but you can sort again when its less emotional) and then get an estate sale person to come in. They deal with the "items"-- the towels, and plates, and all the other stuff. And the furniture too. Seriously, it's a great help. Even if you think there's not enough to sell, there are companies that will take everything. It's worth a call. Hang in there!
My mom had tons of pictures and old newspaper articles. We began scanning them so we could get rid of most of them. Only very special pics and tin types will remain. Hope this helps! And dismantling a household is very hard.
Decision fatigue on top of grief. No wonder it's hard. I think you've made the right call to prioritize some things and put other stuff in storage until you can deal with it.
Sending a hug--the job is one well done and part of the grieving process, too.
My husband is thinking about moving to a smaller place. When I go down into the basement and see all the stuff that I have collected, I run back upstairs and say, "We cannot move!!! Too much stuff down there!!" I need to be brave and tackle the job like you.
I see your parents were in Michigan!! Lovely area around Munising, the land of Gitchegoome and Hiawatha. Enjoy all your memories!!
I packed up my mother's house but she had moved four years before so a lot of the decisions had already been made. As I packed things into boxes I took them out to the garage and put them in three piles. She had 3 children. When my brother and sister came to pick things up they just had to load furniture (that had already been decided on) and took their pile of boxes. I also sorted through an uncle's things when he died because he had no children I got rid of things telling myself they were his memories, not mine. I still regret throwing away one of his scrapbooks about WWII.
I really regret that. . .
I'm so glad you wrote more about this. I'm 73, almost 74, and I have been cleaning out for a bunch of years. I don't want my daughter to have the burden of looking at every single thing in my house in order to make a decision about it. I think I will make 'more cleaning out' my winter project! Of course, I could die tomorrow, but at least if I live through the winter, things will be easier for Elisabeth, lol. So glad you have quilting and horses to help you regain your core contentment!
Have you considered digitizing the photos? I don't know what the right answer is (and it all takes so much time to do), but maybe that's just a brain seed for some time in the future when you have fewer decisions you need to make. So glad quilting is helping as a therapy right now.
Smart decision to get that pod! And you are right about the process making you look at your own stuff differently. Fondle that fabric and ride your horses. You must take care of yourself, too!
I've had emotional attachment to many things my entire life, making it hard to let things go whenever I moved. It's even harder after parents are gone, as they won't be around to make any new memories. Very glad you're taking a break and also saving special photos. Please get some rest.
I'm glad you were able to find a way to address the decision fatigue. I'm lucky, my Mother has actively been decluttering her house for years. As I've started decluttering ours, I realize there are things I should get rid of now, so our one and only kiddo doesn't have all this stuff to deal with.
I've been there too. We couldn't sell my mom's house right away when we moved her to assisted living, so my sister the packrat moved in. We had all mom's stuff and all sister's to deal with before we could get the house ready to sell. It took months and the exhaustion is real. Take care of yourself. Oh, and I gave myself permission to throw out photos if no one knew who anyone was in them.
I think a lot of us understand, I am at the point where I am going to do the cleaning out. After dealing with my mom’s and MILs and sister’s …I don’t want my 2 kids to have to deal. They live 5 and 19 hours away! But even getting rid of my own stuff is an ordeal! I’m glad the quilting and the horse riding got you through the first and toughest part. Quilting IS real therapy!
When my dad passed away, my family was lucky. My mom was at their second house. A house they had used part time. The first house was sold to the neighbor with my dad knowing it. We only had to take what we wanted and they took care of everything else. It was hard on mom but there was no 100% clean out. At times now , mom thinks of things she should have taken. Something that worked for everyone.
Good Luck with your clean out.
I'm sorry about your parents and the ordeal of dealing with their things. We found with my in-laws the photos were the hardest to deal with. My husband's covid hobby was scanning all the family photos, then split the photo albums between he and his sisters. This was a fairly easy estate to settle, but even with 4 of them clearing the house, selling it was awful. Take your time to think and regroup.
My oldest child lives in Turkey but visits for 8-12 weeks each summer; and, while she was here this summer, we went through some of my things. Photos, glassware, seasonal decorations, and jewelry. We talked about where my passwords, financial information, and legal documents are kept, too. She wondered aloud whether I had a terminal illness that I "forgot" to tell her about, but I don't. I just don't want my four children to have to bear the burden of what you're going through. So, when my daughter returned home two days ago, she took my Easter decorations with her. I like the fact that I will probably be around for many more years, knowing each year that she's enjoying my decorations. And, I plan to make sure all my things are handed out before I die.
Gosh I feel for you. I really never had that because Mom lived with us her last 8 years, and we had really culled her stuff down by then. Daddy died in 1982, and over the years Mom either sold or gave away most of their stuff. I have been away from your blog so long I didn't realize your folks had passed away, and I'm sorry.
I'm lucky that I haven't had to deal with that yet. I am having to deal with a 40 year in the making quilting stash from my friend. There have been 4 of us for 2 full days, and we've only made a dent so far.
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