Friday, August 16, 2013

I left him behind

After 18 years of making sure he was buckled in, ready to go, not left at the rest stops, picked up from school, in the car after sports..... I left him behind...

I posted that others have done it and millions more will - but walking away from my kid - lawsy mercy....

I felt like I was leaving a piece behind.

Not that I am worried about him - that kid is ready to take on the world, his way, and I am proud..... But he is not here with me....  so it's me that I worry about.

He is my first born - we learned a lot together. We negotiated the waters for the kids to come, and he is still testing them ..... and setting a great standard for the other kids.

And for the first week that he is gone - he is out of cell range.... seriously - he probably planned it that way.... but... seriously...    ( PS I am not a phone caller - I am a texter -and he can't even get those!!)

So I will have to patiently wait for him to call when he is ready - and in the meantime, I may need a little therapy.... fabric is good therapy right?

Watching him walk with confidence into his new place, with his new roommate, ready to take the next step...... be still my heart.  

We have raised him to the best of our ability. We have instilled a sense of independence, a strong work ethic, a knowledge of right and wrong, and a strong sense of God, County, and Man. He will be great....

Me - I am the blubbering mess walking around the house - staring into his empty room.... with the empty bed.... that would be a great spot for my quilts..... hmmmmm  a new mission....

18 comments:

Judy said...

Stay busy, it will help. I started a Masters program when I left my one and only 8 hours away. We both grew a lot from the experience. No cell phones, not even email til year 2.

Gypsy Quilter said...

I'm tearing up with you here. The first one must the hardest. Can I send you a bunny to help with the consolation?

Terri said...

You forgot to mention that he is cute! We wish him all the best at school.
Hugs

TLC said...

I empathize with your sorrow. Wait till the last one leaves and then you and your husband will party. And know that you have done an excellent job raising your children because they go out and lead independent successful lives.

BillieBee (billiemick) said...

My DH dropped my first born off a couple of towns away at college. DH came home in tears afterwards and made me cry as well.....my baby boy is almost 44 now.....smile.

phxquilt said...

I do remember it well. My first went to the Navy so I was slightly less concerned. Now when I sent my baby 1500 miles away by herself I too was a wreck. Busy helps and so do cookies & chocolate. Holler if you need a hug...

marilyn said...

Hugs to you. I'm sending #2 off to school this year. We have a friend who tells us not to cry when they leave home, but to cry when they come back. His baby is 42 and keeps coming home to live. I try to remind myself that they are supposed to leave home one day. And yes, the empty bed will be a great place to store quilts! I'm eyeing my daughter's bed too!

Sundae Quilter said...

Right there with you. When the oldest went to college, I wasn't with her. I was teaching, and was a bawl baby all day when no one else was around. Last year the twins started. I was along with Abby, and cried all the way home but with Beth, again I was teaching and didn't get to go with her.

Now we are ready to send the twins back for their second year. Abby leaves Sunday and honestly it is only slightly less painful than last year.

With Skype, when they have time, it isn't so painful.

Remember, you have lots of friends to hand you tissues.

Hugs!

Nina said...

Alycia, I know JUST what you're going through. I've gained so much understanding and respect for my own mother that I didn't have when I was the one doing the going away. Time helps. God bless.

Judy V. from Thornton, CO said...

Pretty special when you are sending your first born off to college...a big adjustment especially for Mom and Dad! Bet it seems like yesterday he was born and now he is in college already!

Tami C said...

It's a big adjustment, but you'll get over it before too long. I don't think I'd take over his bed too soon. His first trip back home and he'll be crying about you taking over his room. lol

Linda in TX said...

Oh how I know the feelings! It's like we're growing up as Moms and nobody but other Moms understand.

Quiltin' Jenny said...

I feel your pain! We just got home last night from taking my oldest.

He's fine. I'm working on it.

Thinking of you.

Freda Fields Alley said...

I do know how you feel... and I'm tearing up in sympathy.

You done good rearing him and he'll be fine... and the "missing him" part will get easier with time. Think about how much fun it will be when #1 son comes home to visit, dreaming of some of mom's good home cooking...

Best wishes to him and he begins his college career!


Ranch Wife said...

I know how hard this transition is, but take heart in knowing that you have raised a fine young man. When our boy joined the Marines, it was 3 weeks before we were able to contact them. It was a very long 3 weeks. Keeping you...and him...in prayer. Both out kids have been away for 2 years now and I still haven't been able to convert their rooms, although I have set up the ironing board in our boy's room and fabric is stashed in college girl's room. I have one more thing to add. Care packages. Send care packages.

Smultronbo said...

I feel so lucky that my son is starting at a local Uni and will stay at home a while longer. But the day when he moves out is getting closer every day and I am dreading it terribly. Sending you a hug from far away and hoppning that you will cope.

Kevin the Quilter said...

You are such a great mom, that has a great family! Everything will be just fine! Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Julie Crooks said...

HUGE life change! My first born is off to CSM next fall and I'm not looking forward to it! It was bad enough when I stopped homeschooling him! EEK!

Hang in there and BUY MORE FABRIC!!!!